In this reflection we explore the difference between selfishness and self-love. There is a voice that tells you putting yourself first is selfish. That voice is loud. It was probably installed early.
But here is what that voice does not understand: you cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot give what you do not have. The math does not work.
Choosing yourself first is not about abandoning others. It is about showing up for yourself so that you can show up for them.
Some people were raised to believe their value comes from what they give. Their worth is measured in sacrifice, in service, in how much of themselves they empty out for others.
This is not sustainable. It is a recipe for resentment, exhaustion, and disappearing.
Self-love is not a destination. It is not a feeling you achieve and then maintain. It is a practice. A daily decision to treat yourself like someone worth caring for.
Sometimes that looks like rest. Sometimes it looks like boundaries. Sometimes it looks like saying no when you used to say yes automatically. Sometimes it looks like asking for what you need instead of hoping someone will guess.
The people who truly love you want you to be well. They do not want your sacrifice. They want your presence. They want the version of you who is not running on empty.
Guilt will show up when you start choosing yourself. That is normal. Guilt is not always a sign you are doing something wrong. Sometimes it is just the sound of old programming being disrupted.
You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to matter to yourself the way you matter to the people you love.
Choosing yourself first is not the end of generosity. It is the beginning of sustainable generosity. The kind that does not cost you everything. The kind that leaves something for you too.
You are worth choosing. Not after you fix yourself. Not after you become better. Now. As you are.
Start there. The rest follows.