You spent so long preparing for disaster. Then it did not come. Now what?
In this reflection we consider the possibility that things might be okay.
You have been bracing for impact for as long as you can remember. Waiting for the other shoe. Scanning for threats. Running disaster simulations in the background of every good moment.
And then something strange happens. The thing you feared does not arrive. The relationship survives. The job works out. The health scare turns out to be nothing. You are just... here. Fine. Intact.
This should feel like relief. Instead it feels disorienting.
If your identity is built around surviving, what happens when there is nothing to survive? If you are always preparing for the worst, what do you do when the worst does not show up?
Some people feel guilty for being okay. Like they do not deserve it. Like good fortune is a debt that will come due. They wait for the catch because there is always a catch. Except sometimes there is not.
Others cannot recognize okay even when they are in it. They are so used to crisis mode that stability feels suspicious. The calm must be hiding something. They poke at it, test it, sometimes even break it just to confirm what they always expected.
Being fine is a skill. It sounds absurd, but it is true. If you have spent your life in survival mode, you have to learn how to exist in non-emergency. How to be present without being vigilant. How to enjoy something without waiting for it to be taken away.
This does not mean ignoring real problems. It means not manufacturing problems where there are none. It means letting a good day be a good day without interrogating it.
You are allowed to be okay. You are allowed to have seasons where nothing is falling apart. That is not denial. That is not delusion. That is just life, being ordinary for a while.
Plot twist: maybe this is just a regular chapter. Maybe you get to rest here.
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